Those Phrases shared by My Parent That Helped Me as a First-Time Dad

"I think I was merely just surviving for a year."

Former Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey expected to manage the difficulties of fatherhood.

Yet the reality rapidly proved to be "completely different" to what he pictured.

Severe health complications surrounding the birth saw his partner Louise hospitalised. All of a sudden he was pushed into becoming her chief support as well as caring for their newborn son Leo.

"I took on every night time, each diaper… every stroll. The duty of both parents," Ryan stated.

Following 11 months he reached burnout. It was a conversation with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that led him to understand he needed help.

The direct statement "You aren't in a healthy space. You need some help. In what way can I assist you?" created an opening for Ryan to talk openly, look for assistance and find a way back.

His experience is far from unique, but rarely discussed. While society is now more accustomed to addressing the strain on moms and about PND, not enough is spoken about the challenges fathers go through.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to request support'

Ryan believes his difficulties are linked to a wider inability to open up between men, who still internalise negative ideas of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the harbour wall that just gets smashed and doesn't fall every time."

"It's not a sign of being weak to ask for help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he clarifies.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, says men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're having a hard time.

They can think they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - most notably in front of a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental health is equally important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad provided him with the space to request a respite - going on a few days abroad, away from the family home, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he required a change to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states alongside the practical tasks of taking care of a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he realised he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -holding her hand and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That realisation has transformed how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now composing Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will help his son to more fully comprehend the expression of feelings and understand his decisions as a father.

The idea of "self-parenting" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen lacked consistent male parenting. Despite having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, profound emotional pain meant his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their connection.

Stephen says suppressing feelings caused him to make "bad choices" when in his youth to change how he felt, seeking comfort in substance use as an escape from the anguish.

"You gravitate to substances that don't help," he says. "They might temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Tips for Managing as a New Father

• Open up to someone - if you're feeling overwhelmed, confide in a family member, your spouse or a professional about your state of mind. Doing so may to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Maintain your passions - keep doing the pursuits that allowed you to feel like yourself before having a baby. This might be exercising, seeing friends or gaming.
• Pay attention to the physical health - nutritious food, physical activity and where possible, getting some sleep, all are important in how your emotional health is faring.
• Spend time with other first-time fathers - sharing their stories, the messy ones, along with the joys, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that requesting help does not mean you've failed - taking care of yourself is the optimal method you can care for your loved ones.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the loss, having had no contact with him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead offer the safety and nurturing he lacked.

When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - processing the feelings in a healthy way.

Both Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they faced their issues, transformed how they express themselves, and figured out how to manage themselves for their children.

"I'm better… dealing with things and dealing with things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a letter to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I wrote, sometimes I believe my role is to instruct and tell you what to do, but actually, it's a dialogue. I am discovering just as much as you are on this path."